Friday, December 22, 2006

B-Movie Blog's Movie of the Year Award 2006: Rocky Balboa

Since this is B-Movie Blog's first year of existence, we are still working out the bugs and creating ideas for posts and such when we can. But we definitely wanted to do a Movie of the Year post, and a B-Movie of the Year post. Movie of the Year goes out to a film released in theaters that year, while B-Movie of the Year goes out to a B-movie from that year or any other year. Both were very difficult do decide, but not impossible.

This year, Rocky Balboa received B-Movie Blog's Movie of the Year.

It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over. The final movie of the Rocky legacy and B-Movie Blog's Movie of the Year, Rocky Balboa, was released across the United States on December 20, 2006. When I first saw the trailer for Rocky Balboa--I was very excited. Not so much about the movie itself, but mainly the awesome training scenes in it, and the fact that the trailer was freaking sweet.

What I expected from Rocky Balboa was a disappointment from what I saw on Wednesday--in a good way, that is. I didn't think it would be awesome--but I did think it would be decent. After all: it is the final Rocky, it has to be decent. I haven't seen any of the Rocky movies in years, but I remember a few being kinda slow in pace.

Rocky Balboa blew me away. I suppose to the scum of movie go-ers, Rocky Balboa was slow in the first half, then progressed into the main event: the actual fight. But to the true movie lover and loyal movie go-er (like me and hopefully you too), Rocky wasn't slow at all. You had some cool Philadelphia (I think it was PH...correct me if I'm wrong) shots, good bar scenes, some awesome restaurant/cooking scenes, and who could forget the infamous "meat hanging from the ceiling in a big factory refrigerator" scenes?

The fight is Rocky (obviously Sylvester Stallone) versus newcomer Mason "the Line" Dixon (Antonio Tarver). So you have this Italian fighting veteran who is a bit slow due to age, but packs a good punch, versus new undefeated World Champion Mason Dixon who relies on his speed and lets be honest, slave-strength to keep his record in shape. Rocky is as always, humble, strong and ready for a challenge, while Mason is young, arrogant/disrespectful and tough. But will the old saying and veteran movie theme "Pride comes before the Fall" be the main factor in determining who wins this fight of a lifetime in Rocky Balboa?

The real beauty of Rocky Balboa is just that--Rocky, the Italian Stallion himself. Sylvester Stallone is freaking ripped in this movie. It's ridiculous how strong and how big his arms are in this movie. His arms--this is no joke--were pretty much the same diameter of my head. If you weren't aware, Kennedy means "Large Ugly Head" in Irish Gaelic--I'll leave you with that to think about.

The first half of the movie wows you with at least 3 good motivational/inspirational mini-speeches from Rocky, which for the record are freaking sweet. I love hearing Sylvester Stallone yell, because it takes me a second to translate from pure testosterone to English. Rocky also runs into an old friend from his childhood, and their relationship progresses from there. To basically sum up Rocky's ripped-ness in Rocky Balboa; if Daniel Craig in Casino Royale was a brick, Rocky in Rocky Balboa is a refrigerator (a stainless steel one too, not one of those mini ones).

As I said in some previous posts, I'm not going to give the full review of this movie or what I think "really happened." Just why I think you should go see this movie and what to expect.

So to wrap up this post, was Rocky Balboa the best movie of 2006? I don't know. I personally liked Departed moreso than I did with Rocky Balboa, but those two movies really can't (and shouldn't) be compared--two different movies, different plots and such. Each movie has its advantages and disadvantages. In fact I lied, I like them equally. So why is the B-Movie Blog giving Rocky Balboa movie of the year?

Go see it and find out for yourself. You'll understand.

-A. Kennedy

Friday, November 17, 2006

Movie Review: 007 Casino Royale

Well the Pierce Brosnan-Bond legacy has come to an end. But a fresh and clean Bond has arisen in the new 007 Casino Royale film--Daniel Craig. Not exactly a movie veteran--more or less a newcomer; Daniel Craig's first big movie besides this one, was in Munich. Having put aside his filmography, let's get down to business. This man is gorgeous. If there is one man I would want to be, it is Daniel Craig. In Casino Royale he's super ripped--especially noticable in the speedo scene:

My God. Oh My GOD! Look at this man!

Some critics said this movie was a little lengthy--even the my colleague and B-Movie Blog founder would have changed some things (generally he's pretty nice to the movies that are shot down by critics). He said if he could get rid of anything, it would be the scenes with the girl--not to mention that 764 hour sex scene (not an exxageration). I really didn't mind the length of this movie at all. There weren't really any dull or slow scenes, except with the girl. So if you haven't seen it yet and want to know the B-Movie Blog low down--here it is.

Newely promoted-to 007 James Bond, stumbles on to something that wasn't nessecarily assigned to him until he got involved--you could say on his vacation. After killing a few thugs and investigating with Daniel Craig's awesomeness, his mission eventually is to stop a banker from funding a terrorist organization--only through the loss of a high-stakes poker game however. This certain poker game, requires a 5 million dollars qualifying fee--just to play. The villian banker, Le Chiffe, is played by Danish super-star Mads Mikkelsen; whom at first I swore was the villian from Crocodile Dundee 2 (or was it number one--both equally good)

Cool thing about this guy is that he weeps blood in his abnormally colored eye.

It would probably be best to see this movie twice to understand it fully, but that probably goes alongside with every movie, one could argue. Even if some crtics say don't go see it--or its dull, I personally would go see just to see Daniel Craig in a sky-blue speedo (wouldn't everyone?), like seriously.

Come on folks--who gives a shit what the critics say--It's Daniel Craig. Enough said.

-A. Kennedy

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

B-Movie 8: Marathon Man
For the record, I'm not so sure that every movie we review or post is a B-Movie. Maybe "Marathon Man" is a B-Movie--maybe not--It's not for me to decide. Having said that; I will continue.

Now, for weeks--actually months on end, I couldn't touch this DVD that was glaring at me on my small DVD shelf; this DVD called Marathon Man. It had "dirty" and "go ahead--pull the trigger" all over it. To be honest with you--I'm not into classic movies, or old movies, or black and white movies at all--It's Michael Bay/Jerry Bruckheimer or bust. The DVD case alone looked too depressing and too grainy as a film that is worth watching. I thought that once I watched it in its entirety, I would want to kill myself. While putting it into my computer to watch it--I was even deciding how I was going to do it too.

I was wrong however. The movie's film quality was a little dirty and grainy, and the color was kind of depressing. But the plot, actors, and overal on-the-edge-of-your-seat scenes held it together way better than I expected.
I'm not quite sure why they called it the Marathon Man--I guess because the main character (young Dustin Hoffman) runs for fun (Run fer Fun!? *in a stereotypical old western voice*--what movie is that from?); however he has never ran in a marathon, ironically. The cast is not too bad, you have (of course) Dustin Hoffman who plays a 'mid-aged back-to-college' student, and his older brother, Roy Scheider (Jaws)who plays a man who is in the "oil business" (notice the quotes in "oil business"). You also have this guy--who I am 100% convinced that he is a Kennedy. Look for yourself--this guy could play any one out of the 374 of them:

This guy is great, and I'm not sure why--probably just because he looks like a Kennedy (hell, I'm a freaking Kennedy too).

Anyways, the movie concentrates on this guy named Szell, who was a WWII NAZI who operated a concentration camp, who has a reputation for being a dental hygenist (for movie plot purposes, lets just say that this guy couldn't get a job at Gentle Dentle--where I have a dentist appointment to go to a week from today. If I get an angry German to check my teeth out, I'm checking out of there) . Certain events and plot changes force Babe (what a tough name for a Dustin Hoffman character) to go after this Aryan senior citizen to find out some answers to some tough questions. I won't go any further without giving the whole thing away; watch it for yourself.

I will however, mention how fucking sweet Roy Scheider is in this film. If there is one American intellectual in the history of American intellectuals that I will strive to be like--it is Roy Schneider in the Marathon Man for damn sure.There is also this fucking sweet scene when Roy fights this Asian to the death in a hotel room. This particular scene shows and proves the physical superiority of European-Americans over Asians and Asian-Americans--mostly because Roy Scheider has his shirt off and wins the fight. He's really ripped in this movie too, I'm impressed. This particular Asian whom Roy snaps his spine in two, is really creepy and scary, in that he has two different eye colors--and worse--he knows it too, and he knows your afraid of him. Take a look:
In closing--I must say that this is probably my longest post yet--hope you've enjoyed it. In fact, I hope you enjoyed it so much, that you will start living a life of joy like Roy Scheider does in Marathon Man:

-A. Kennedy

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

"Flight of Fury": Steven's next "Under Siege"?

After several disappointing releases in a row Steven Seagal seems to be making a comeback with three promising films lined up. The Movie that I am most excited about is called "Flight of Fury." Finally, we get to see SS in his full glory again as he fights terrorists and hunts down a missing stealth bomber with the help of his sidekick Rojar. The Plot outline sounds very similar to that of an early nineties action movie (a genre which has long since died.) If all goes well “Flight of Fury” could again revive the World’s interest in mindless action and set us up for another decade of great B-Movies.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

A Good Year (to die from smoke inhalation when you set your house on fire after seeing this movie)

"A Good Year" opened in tenth place with 3.7 million; I couldn't be happier. Russell Crowe plays Max Skinner a man torn between his childhood villa in Provence and his powerful corporate job. And of course along the way discovering what’s really important. How many more whimsical, light-hearted films with beautiful backdrops and soundtracks consisting of Indy French music do we have to sit through before the decade is over? Nothing against Russell Crowe or Ridley but every time the trailer for this movie comes on I sink into a depression so severe that I consider pulling a Jason Lee (Enemy of the State.) This movie also has in it a veiled (or maybe not so veiled) insult directed at Americans in a scene where American tourists are requesting Bacon Bits on their salad. First of all: how can you blame them? What are they supposed to do eat a salad without bacon? Secondly: when I go to Provence I bring my own bacon as well as my own baby shrimp, ranch dressing, and tortilla chips to crunch up (better than croutons.)

All in all, this movie is a piece of shit. It desperately wants to be a cuter more dialogue driven "Under the Tuscan Sun" but it sacrifices everything in its attempt to do so. I think Ridley Scott was so excited about making a light hearted film that he forgot that it has to be good as well.

Tribute To Tim Robbins

We've all seen this handsome beast before. This man is movie veteran Tim Robbins, and is on my Top 10 List of Favorite Actors. Though he is not as popular as Tom Cruise or Matt Damon, he certainly has a filmography to die for (as do Tom and Matt). Tim was born in 1958 (making him a very young 48 years of age this year), and by the age of twelve, was already a member of 'Theater for the New City', a hotshot institute for actors. He graduated from the decorated UCLA with a degree in drama in 1981. Tim Robbins is also the man responsible for putting new-comer actor Jack Black on the big screen; in "Bob Roberts"--Jack Black's first movie appearence ever. Tim Robbins is also noted for being one of Hollywood's biggest liberals--and there isn't a Goddamn thing wrong with that as far as I'm concerned.

Tim Robbin's real big break as an actor came when The Shawkshank Redemption hit theaters--arguably his biggest movie he ever made, next to 2005's Zathura. If any of you haven't seen this movie, The Shawshank Redemption is hailed by many as the greatest movie ever made in history. Coming from the B-Movie Blog, that statement is almost true--also being on my Top 10 of favorite movies. If you haven't seen this movie, your in for a good clean film.

As far as big movies go, I can't forget to mention Mystic River. I have not seen Mystic River in 30 years, but I remember good scenary and good acting--maybe a good food scene--but I also remember it being a pretty heavy film. That movie also has a pretty damn good cast as well--Tim of course, Sean Penn, Kevin Bacon, Laurence Fishburne.

Maybe one of Tim Robbin's funniest cameos was in Anchorman, when he shows up at the news-reporter brawl. When I first saw him, I cracked up so hard, his hair was so funny. Also a well-casted movie.

Tim Robbin's newest film which I have yet to see, is "To Catch a Fire". The movie is about some South-African terrorism thing, which somehow revolves around a policeman (Tim) and a black guy (Derek Luke). I saw the trailer, and it looks decent as a film, and I remember Tim having a pretty funny accent--not that it isn't bad--just amusing to me.

Finally, probably my favorite Tim Robbins film is probably the first or second Robbins film I've ever seen; "Arlington Road". Those who have seen it probably remember it for the suprising and unprecedented ending (I reccomend this movie). The movie stars Jeff Bridges who is paranoid about his neighboor (Robbins), whom he thinks is a right-wing extremist-terrorist (and just might be...). This movie shows Robbins' diversity and skill as an actor. A very well-done movie.

All in all, Tim Robbins has a pretty impressive career in acting, and I look forward to see what he has in store for the future. He is one of my favorite guys ever, and if you don't know him, watch a few movies and get to know him a little. Oh and...go buy Zathura on DVD.

A. Kennedy

The real Darth Vader.

British weight lifting champ David Prowse was the man behind the famous mask. He was offered the role of chewbacca as well but turned it down to play Vader. Too bad they made him wear that mask, how great the movies could have been.

Happy Birthdays

David Schwimmer turns 40.

I would also like to wish a very happy "Kill yourself and stop ruining movies" To birthday boy Ryan Gosling.

"Halo" movie showing no signs of life

The internet has been buzzing since the announcement of a feature film based on the X-box series Halo due out in 2008. With Peter Jackson slated to direct the movie seemed like a sure thing. However, Universal has recently backed out (not surprising given "Doom's" less than impressive October turnout.) Shortly thereafter Peter Jackson and Microsoft both postponed the project; though it is unclear as to why this is. Many speculate that this move was based on the poor quality of the script; with Jackson and his team unwilling to budge until a better draft is presented to them. A relatively unknown visual effects artistNeill Blomkamp is currently listed as the films director on IMDB.COM.

As it stands this is the current plot outline shown on IMDB.COM:

After they crash-land on an artificial ring-world called "Halo", a navy captain, his surviving marines, and a genetically-and-surgically-enhanced super soldier called "Master Chief" with the AI Cortana must find out what the Covenant, the genocidal alien race they are at war with, are looking for on the ring. However, Halo holds more secrets than either side imagined.

B-Movie 7: The Fifth Element

I remember going to the theater with my family when I was a bit younger to go see the "Fifth Element". I remember it being pretty damn good; and I also remember my father puking afterwords because of his motion sickness, and that scene when Korben and LeeLoo drive downward to the industrial part of the city to hide from the police did him in well I guess.

If you haven't seen the Fifth Element and plan on watching it soon (or else), there's a pretty good line-up of actors and one-liners waiting just for you. First off, you have movie veteran and main character Bruce Willis as Korben Dallas. He plays a taxi driver in a futuristic New York, and ultimately has LeeLoo (Milla Jovovich)--a reincarnated alien that is the key to saving earth from a huge ball of fire named Mr. Shadow--fall right into his lap.

Working for Mr. Shadow, is the highlight of the Fifth Element experience--Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg ('m naming my son after him), played by a favorite actor of mine, Gary Oldman. His job is to find the four elements of earth in the form of four stones. The key to unlock the power of these stones--whether it be good or evil--is through the Fifth Element of love--LeeLoo, or through Mr. Shadow (idk what the fuck his element is). Other actors that make an appearance are Ian Holm (known for Bilbo in LOTR), Chris Tucker, Luke Perry, and that black guy from Stargate SG1, Tommy 'tiny' Lister.

All in all--a good B-Movie to sit down to with a coke and a buttery bowl of popcorn. If you do watch it (or should I say when?), try to imagine being on the set of this movie and try not to laugh. There is some corny stuff in there--but don't worry, it only enhances the Fifth Element experience even more.

A. Kennedy

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Infernal Affairs (Mou Gaan Dou): Fuck this Piece of Shit Cocksucker!

Okay, whoever thinks that "Infernal Affairs" (orignial movie plot for "The Departed") was better than the American re-make "The Departed" can fuck a duck and suck my dick. Seriously. Don't worry, I have many good reasons to make such a statement.

For one--who the hell has heard of Infernal Affairs (like seriously, let's be honest here), I've never heard of it until my buddy told me about it and how he liked The Hulk a little better (not saying much about IA huh). I did my research my dear viewers, I watched the movie, I read comments on IMDB. It's a piece of shit. I'm not going to be super biased here--It had its ups too; it was well directed and thought out--it's no Departed though.

Second, who has heard of any of those Asian actors? In The Departed, there are many veteran actors and a few recent ones that glorify what a movie (and movie making) is all about--not being a piece of shit. The Departed has so many actors, and you can't go wrong with the good old American Boston scenary--it's so good! You can't enjoy Infernal Affairs the same way you can enjoy Departed. Infernal Affairs--to break it down--just isn't American; and to go against The Departed and favor something else over it is a sin against America. It symbolizes the hatred of Freedom, Democracy, Liberty and Independence, and fucking sweet movies in general.

So next time you make a comparison about The Departed and Infernal Affairs and don't want your fucking teeth kicked in--remember what the B-Movie blog said. And remember well.

How much balls does it take to say some artsy foreign film can challenge an American film? Even if it is a "remake", who gives a shit? They are two different movies with different tweaks, different actors, and way different scenary.

B-Movie Blog's advice is simple and practical--stay American--forever and ever baby. By the way--if the makers/producers wanted Infernal Affairs to be a really masculine cop/detective movie--whats with the weapon-wielding woman on the crappy movie cover??? For the record, Asians (no offense to any Asian readers--I love all you guys) aren't that intimidating. Some can be, but for the most part, they are the ones that are pointing a gun at you, and not the ones that look like they could eat you alive--like Mogwa.

Friday, November 10, 2006

RIP: Jack Palance 1919-2006

Jack in "City Slickers". Rest in peace beloved actor, rest in peace.